Anxiety

Ok, my social media addiction is really starting to give me anxiety. I’ve been online since 8:15. It’s now 11:45. That’s 3.5 hours that I haven’t done anything particularly useful. Let’s see what my activity has been. Scroll through and feel the time waste!

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It gives me anxiety just LOOKING at it. So much freaking wasted time.

So what to do about it? I think that will have to be the next post because this is just so massive with all of the pictures.

Mommy bloggers, redux

I just posted about how I wasn’t really into dooce back in the day. I just googled her and this was one of the first things that came up. Thought it was interesting.

Armstrong makes an interesting point, especially in the genre she’s associated with. One complaint about ‘mommyblogging’, in its early days, was that it was too confessional, too loud, insufficiently respectful of children’s privacy. The airing of so much personal material bothered people – but many mothers needed such an outlet.

They needed to be able to talk, in an undisciplined fashion, about the challenges of motherhood, about the work involved in raising kids, with a glaringly honest approach.

“That kind of stuff that doesn’t look good on an Instagram feed,” Armstrong said.

“Back then, we talked about everything, about all of it. We opened it up and we examined it. And I just don’t see that going on anywhere anymore.”

It’s true. A quick perusal of most of the more successful parenting blogs will reveal beautiful homes stocked with artisanal toys and spotless outfits.

That obsessiveness about everything in their lives is what made the mommy bloggers both so annoying and so irresistible. I could never go there. I had a blog. I posted a ton on it. I followed a parenting blog aggregator (that also had it’s own content), called Blogging Baby. It was awesome, but then it became huge and my favorites stopped posting and I stopped following. But the bloggers who were pretty prolific there (Stefania, Melissa, Heather, Sweet Juniper, Sarah Gilbert) have all become pretty prolific elsewhere, so it was a great jumping off point for them all. But, interestingly enough, most of the famous ones got divorced (actually, all of them except for Sweet Juniper) Was it because they were all women who became successful and that sudden fame broke their lives apart even though they were “just” stay at home moms? Was it because of the exposure? The stress and intrusiveness of blogging about your family and children? Because those were the only ones who became successful…the ones who opened all doors to their lives and showed us beautiful pictures of their kids. I don’t know. It’s crazy, though.

Also, holy fucking shit. I’m still on the damned computer. *sigh*

Trying different stuff

I spent a lot of time social media-ing yesterday. Not happy about that. This morning, I didn’t spend so much time on social media, but I did spend a lot of time on the internet, in general.

I was reading up on a bunch of old “mommy bloggers” I used to follow back in the day. I was a huge fan of a blog called Suburban Bliss. Another blog I followed, dooce, is still going.

Melissa Summers of Suburban Bliss moved to Instagram at some point, and her website got snatched up by someone trying to capitalize on the name, so she doesn’t blog anymore. She does post on Instagram and it’s engaging and I like it, so I spent at least an hour looking at her photos and reading about her. Kind of cool to see pics of her kids who were so little at one point and one is now in college. Blows my mind.

Heather Armstrong of dooce was never one of my favorites, but I would binge read her blog every now and then when another blogger would post about it. I think my big problem with her was how obsessive she seemed to be about most things. Exercise. Diet. Parenting. Decorating. Marriage. Divorce. Travel. Marathons. Outfits. Pets. Everything was so intense for her, and I just didn’t relate to that. Melissa was obsessive about her mental health, but somehow that came across more as endearing to me, less “I have to be perfect”, more “I’m just trying to survive”. Heather’s quest for perfection is what made her so interesting but also so polarizing, I think. In reading her blog this morning, I realized that even the “pathologically trying to be perfect” folks are fucked up. I can see myself in her, just as I see myself in Melissa. I guess the takeaway is that we’re all just human, folks. My interest is piqued that she is now podcasting…I guess podcasts are the new blog, eh?

It was a delightful bit of internet research this morning. I don’t regret it, because it’s Saturday morning and we’re just hanging out anyway. Come later tonight, I’m going to be all “I can’t believe I wasted that time”, though. That and all of the social media between when I was done with reading up on the bloggers and trying to compose this post. Edit: I’m STILL ARGUING ON THE INTERNET. MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STAHHHHHHHPPPP!!!

Awareness is part of the problem right?

One of the things I’m hoping to try is a combo of L-tyrosine, B-vitamins, and fish oil. I already take B vitamins most days, and about half of the days I take fish oil. The tyrosine is new. Supposedly, it helps your thyroid work better (weight loss, I’ll take it!). But it also is supposedly a precursor to dopamine. Dopamine is that great focus neurotransmitter, right? So supposedly more tyrosine = more dopamine = less trying to find interesting stuff to keep my focus. Soooo…who knows?

Edit: OMG I ALREADY WROTE ABOUT THE TYROSINE YESTERDAY. I AM SOOO ADHD OMG LOL BBQ

 

 

Feeling feelings

Haha, kind of a silly title because I’m not really deep in thought or anything. I was just trying to come up with something for today. Anyway…

Trying to figure out ways to curb my social media addiction. This morning, I’ve been online since 8:15 AM. So the current tally is about 3 hours. Yikes. That is SO MUCH WASTED TIME. BLAH!!!

I went down the rabbit hole of Wikipedia, trying to help me figure out this whole ADHD thing. I wrote this on Facebook this morning:

Apparently, ADHD brains break down dopamine (the feel-good neurotransmitter your brain releases when you feel like you’ve done something satisfying) way too quickly.

The precursor to dopamine is protein, specifically an amino acid found in protein called tyrosine. Tyrosine was named from the Greek root “tyros” which means cheese. Some ADHD researchers seem to think that a high protein/low carb diet can alleviate ADHD in many folks. I wonder if just eating meat and cheese all day long would help me curb my social media addiction? LOL

Pretty funny, isn’t it? Hmmm…

Seeing as I feel pretty amazing when all I eat is meat and cheese, I think it’s time to give this theory a whirl.

In other plans, I think the first week (maybe just the first few days, because honestly, how much time do I need) of February is going to be all about awareness of how much time I spend online. Right now, it’s pretty abysmal and I’m depressed about it. But I do want to change because I think it will help me do great things. I’m motivated by…dopamine! HAHAHAHA

Meesee gets…unplugged

Or something. Unwired? Untethered? How about just…sane?

It’s February and I’m staying strong with the journaling! Go me!

I’m not sure where to go first with this whole digital detox thing. I know I can’t stop 100% right away (or ever). Thinking of logging how much time I spend on Facebook and Twitter everyday. There are apps just for this, but not sure how good or bad they’ll be for me.

I’ll start with techniques I already know. Maybe setting a timer for 30 minutes and then giving myself a 5 minute break? Or 60 minutes with 10 break minutes? Or for baby steps, 20 minute breaks? Hmmm…Just something so I can keep track of how much I’m screwing around.

Yahoo!

January is SOOOOO OOOOOOVVVVVERRRRRR.

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I kicked ass! My only real goal was to make journaling a solid habit and…here we are.

The 6th was actually posted on the day of, but I posted from my phone and the calendar was wonky as a result, so it registered on the day after.

A few of the days I missed in the last couple of weeks I actually “mentally journaled” from bed. I think the only day I really missed without registering anything on the matter was the 28th. Just didn’t get it in because I was brain dead.

I am solidly stoked!

Now that I have this journaling thing down, I think it’s time to start limiting my social media consumption. I was hoping to make February my month for tweaking my diet and losing some serious weight, but just giving up wine in January has helped me drop almost ten pounds. I think if I stay off the sauce and keep my carb intake low, while really focusing on nutrition…it will come off slowly. Maybe that’s not what I want, but it’s the best thing for me. Right?

Yay for good things!

Haha

I said I was back but I forgot to hit “publish” until this morning. Major fail.

Hahaha.

So here I am. It’s January 30. I think I kept 7 pounds off this month, which is pretty good. I heard back from the 23andme people on my diet plan (over two weeks later after the start of the “diet”) and they said the diet intervention was just “guidelines”. So I’m just going to eat paleo. I’ll still try to keep the carbs down, but not going to eat grains unless I have a headache or feel like I need some brown rice or beans. I can lose weight that way. It’s been hard since I’ve been wanting to eat snack chips and cheese puffs that my kid has laying around everywhere.

Other than feeling like I’m not quite feeling 100% (I have aches and pains and anxiety since quitting my wine), I think I’m doing okay. Some days are better than others.

I have one more day in January, then it’s off to February, where my focus is cutting back on electronics and trying to just be more like I was before the iPhone and Facebook. You know, where I read books, or watched TV, or exercised regularly because I had “free time”? Yeah…

Blah

Today’s my birthday, and it was a good one! I had fun, was surrounded by friends and went to dinner with my family. Very good day.

But now I’m back and realize that I have 2-ish days left on a dietbet that I haven’t lost enough weight on and it’s pissing me off. This is the second one I’ve done and haven’t lost quite enough. About a week ago, I was one pound short of my goal. Since then, I’ve been eating too many carbs (and totally not sticking to my 23andme study, either). Hopefully, my updating of that study will reflect that. Dang!

SOOOO…tomorrow it’s all salad and protein and same for Monday. Man, what a bummer. Hope I can get my weight to just below the cut off so I can get some momentum to keep going. I know this wasn’t my goal for January, but it feels like it was. Blah!

Oh well, at least I’m journaling!

New things

Just got a robot vacuum for my birthday. It’s AMAZING. I love it! Still not really sure why it makes zero sense, but I suspect after learning our house, it won’t be as nuts. It still doesn’t eliminate the need for a regular vacuum (hello stairs), but it will force me to keep the floor free of clutter so that it can do its thing, which will keep the floors clean.

In other news, I’m still totally distracted and anxious about the distractibility.

In other other news, my birthday is this weekend! Yay to being old! Hahaha.