Money money money

Yesterday I ate out twice, even though I have food to eat at home. I’m trying to think of how I should start tracking this. Maybe track how much I’m spending on food for a week and then try to beat it with a new low number each week? Make it a game?

Why do I lose steam so easily? I feel like I have the chutzpah to get things going, so why I can’t I stick with something. I guess I can’t say that I fail every single time. Maybe a 50/50 sort of thing. I was able to stop drinking in January and February, and I’m back on the wagon after only one month off. I was able to journal here for an entire month, kept it up mostly for the month of January, and then fell off the wagon for March. I was doing okay with my weight loss efforts in January and February and then…fell off the wagon in March. Okay, I’m sensing a theme here. What did I do differently in March that I didn’t do otherwise? Was it the journaling?

Or maybe I shouldn’t see all these supposed failures as failures. (Yes, I used “shouldn’t”, I know, but here I think it’s okay.) Maybe this is gray area talking instead of black and white thinking. Kind of a two steps forward one step back, which is what’s really needed for long term success at any major life overhaul?

I do feel like I’m struggling, but am far better off and far healthier than I was last year or even three or five years ago. Maybe even ten years ago. I have the mental maturity to be dealing with this stuff that was just too hard a few years ago. Sadly, I don’t feel any less anxious than I did. Maybe that’s just part of being human.