Did I forget a day?


Old Me, who would have thought in black and white terms, with no grey area, would be screaming right now. There would be a ton of “should” statements.

New Me says “fuck it”.

At least I have the routine in place. I do like journaling. It makes me feel good, I enjoy it, and I honestly need it at this point. I needed something to replace the wine and snacking, something for my anxiety. I’m down almost 10 pounds from the start of the new year and haven’t had any wine for almost three weeks! Sweet. Part of me does wonder if the weight loss is solely from not drinking. Probably!

I feel like today deserves some gratitude rambling. I feel like I’ve been making bad choices for the last ten years. It’s been a VERY hard ten years, though. I lost my job a couple of times because of the economy, lost one job because a close family got very sick and I had to take of them, I had to deal with all of the anxiety of not knowing what course that illness would take (thankfully, knock on wood, it has been less severe than most), and I had my own personal medical stuff to deal with (minor, but still stuff that isn’t fun). I think my 40s will reflect that my 30s were the opposite of what they’re supposed to be: Advancing in one’s career, making enough money to eventually retire, being involved in a healthy family life, making good decisions that counter the craziness of your 20s, etc. I was a pretty responsible 20 year old (grad school, work ethic, had a healthy pregnancy and super mom stuff), so maybe my 30s were designed to be more like the average 20 something experience (full of fear, anxiety, and unpredictability). I don’t know. In any event, my 40s are going to ROCK. I’m saying it now. I’m putting it out there. I will kick ass this decade! I’m thankful that I’m still young enough that I can make these dramatic changes in my life. I want to be healthy in my old age, not bedridden or in an institution because I made really bad choices. Journaling is part of this process, I think. I hope. No, it is. I’m not going to waffle over this one…I have to keep this going.

Anyway, so I missed a day, but I had a lot to say, I guess. Here’s to today, and I’ll be back tomorrow!

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