Okay, here I am, journaling. I get a silver star on my pretty little calendar. Yay!
I’m already panicking about how I’m going to eat and that I’m not going to have my wine. I know this first 30 days isn’t about that, precisely for this reason (panicking, all or nothing thinking). I really don’t want to drink, though, because I think it’s ruining my other healthy habits and screwing up my gut hard core. Ugh. I need to be gentle with myself, don’t I? I hate how it feels like there’s so much riding on whether or not I succeed with my goals, even though I’m the only one who cares. Why am I so damn hard on myself?
Time to look for things to keep my happy little brain occupied instead of wanting to do bad things. I just learned that activities with repetitive motion, like knitting, boost dopamine and serotonin, which combat cravings. That’s good to know. I don’t really want to knit because I suck at it, but maybe I should* get one of those coloring books or a puzzle or something. I love puzzles. Too bad they take up room.
* Here we go again. Sigh. I think after each time I write a post, I’m going to look for all of the “shoulds”. Haha.
Another thing to think about. I have realized that eschewing bad stuff isn’t a punishment or a deprivation. It’s a reward, in the sense that it makes room for good stuff in my life. I need to keep reframing things. Much like reframing the “should” argument, I think I need to reframe that I’m rewarding myself with health instead of punishing. Not sure how to do that yet, but I’m working on it for next time.
Happy first day of 2018!